So, if you live in Philadelphia and your child happens to have a speech issue, I highly recommend the Thorne Preschool associated with Bryn Mawr College. Look it up.
Seriously folks, they are amazing. I had a come-apart today. Now, I'm not a wacko, but every once in a while I have a hard day concerning Lydia. I think it's just the way mom's are built. We worry about our littles. We worry about milestones, eating, sleeping, pooping, hitting, tantrums, fitting in, standing out, being independent and the whole deal that comes with having a child. So, put that normal worrering (is that a word) into a child that has special needs. Now, I know Lydia's needs are mild, and I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that it puts a little more tears into my normal worries.
Last night Lydia spent all night throwing up...again. I just hate it. She's not sick, she's just constipated. It comes with her deal, all the kids deal have constipation. But it is so hard to watch her go through this (I'll spare you the gruesome, gagging- for- breathe details) and then have the doctors write it off with some stupid laxative (the more I go to the doctors the more I find they just want to treat the symptom). This morning I felt like I was blindly sabatodging my daughter by feeding her foods she can't digest and then trying to undo the mess with a potent drug that, to say the very least, does not do her any favors long term*(that was a very generous statement I just gave Miralax. I hate Miralax).
Okay, anyway, so this morning I was terribly upset. Lydia has preschool at noon and I'm also trying to hold in all my tears so my children won't see me cry. By the time I get to her preschool I look pretty good, that is until I opened my mouth to say hi. Then two of the therapists and a teacher immediately knew something was wrong. There was a parent there, she also picked up on it. They brought me into a room and just let me cry it out and cry it out I did. I will admit, sometimes I feel like I can't talk about what I feel with my friends or my family or people that don't have a child with a special need. It's like that I'd be in some way complaining about Lydia or our situation. The therapists were awesome. The parent asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee (that was funny, the first time I was asked for coffee was when i was a complete wreck). We ended up talking in her car for 30 minutes. It felt wonderful to have a mother in my boat, that she is going through many of the same things I am.
Well that was a long post, but I'm so grateful for a school that provides so much more than a secure and loving learning place for Lyida, but some healing ground for me too.
And I can't be done until I render thanks again to my husband who takes long drives with me when 22q is bigger than the mom. And thanks to my sister who talks long talks when my husband can't be home. I wish everyday I was a super hero, but I appreciate the great listening ear and pep talks to help me feel like I can get back on my horse.
So glad you have people to lean on. As much as we like to talk about "self reliance" we weren't meant to do anything alone.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hate Miralax as well.
I don't know you but I felt a need to post on your blog.
ReplyDeleteAs a child who grew up with a speech impediment(cleft palate) I know first hand the frustration that both you and quite possibly your child feels.
Speech impediments are difficult because people think its' no big deal, but they are because if you can communicate well either verbally or thru the written word you get left behind.
More often than not these children, myself included(not to blow my own horn), are quite intelligent and are left in lower reading groups etc, just because people can understand them. Please! Please don't let that happen with your baby.
I hope it gets better and you know your not alone
I love you Tara!! You are a hero in my eyes. Especially on days when the world comes crashing down on you. Tears are wonderful and so healing. I'm glad you were able to talk it out a little - I love how others are put in our paths at just the right time we need them! Love you!!
ReplyDeleteVenting and haveing someone to talk things throughe with is by No means complaning!
ReplyDeleteHave you by any chanse heard of Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld? Its a way of putting purayd fruit and vegtabuls in your childs food so they don't know it's there. My sister has a child who has particularly hard stools and when she did it for him it realy helped soften his stools. It may be a good alternative to drugs. Your maybe you could try the indavidualy raped prunes. Shane tried them one day and they made a big difference. (I think they are Sunsweet.)
Love you T! It's okay to not be strong all time. Better to recognize that & let it out than have it eat ya up inside. Miss you... Lydia's beautiful & you're both lucky to have each other. :)
ReplyDeleteTara, Your right, sometimes being a mom means that you need a little time to cry by yourself once in a while!! (or while reading a book, watching a sad movie (or just Oprah)) anyways hopefully next year we will be living somewhere close to you guys, and not that I know the exact situation that you're going through, but I'm really good at listening:)
ReplyDeleteTar I love you. Don't worry about having a mom moment (I have them quite frequently myself). I think that's just part of being a mom. But don't feel bad about it. You are a great mom! The fact that you're worried about it, just reiterates that.
ReplyDeleteI'm always here if you ever want to chat. Love you, Liz