This has taken me a four pregnancies to figure this out. When I'm pregnant, I feel mildly depressed...what do doctors call it? Dysthymia?(Just FYI: Dysthymia has a number of typical characteristics: low drive, low self-esteem, and a low capacity for pleasure in everyday life. Mild degrees of dysthymia may result in people withdrawing from stress and avoiding opportunities for failure. In more severe cases of dysthymia people may even withdraw from daily activities.[4] They will usually find little pleasure in usual activities and pastimes.) Ya, that's just a little vocab word for the day.--Anyway but with a slight twist: I'm more moody. Wow. That was ingenious of me.
Okay, so here's the plan (because I always have a plan): First- low drive: Exercise everyday and take a nap. Wahoo, already doing that. And, it works. If I can't make it to the gym then I do this really cheesy video that my sister-in-law is letting me borrow. I can say it's cheesy because it really works and I love that she is also huffing and puffing with me. And a nap. Does anyone else run out of steam by 5pm and turn into a bear? This is me. Hate taking a nap, but I have to. Those two things keep my energy up for most of the day.
Second: Low self-esteem: Yeah and it doesn't help that I don't have any pregnant stretchy pants. My old stretchies are really getting stretched. However, this is not the real problem. The real problem is letting go of what I feel comfortable with. I went to my OB appt. on Wednesday. Turns out I did a 10 pound weight gain. I went home flipping out in my head a little, but then I realized, it's not the weight. I don't look in the mirror and say, "wow, I can see all ten of those pounds". It's the feeling that I'm headed down this slippery slope of which I have no control and I'll end up 300HU's. Having no control over my appetite is scary. Feeling a slave to something is never a comforting feeling. And worrying about the future only produces stress that doesn't exist yet. So, doing a little self therapizing is always a good solution. Here's how I brushed off the 10 pound weight gain. I looked backward. I do have tools. I do stop eating when I'm full. I don't abuse the privilege of feeling satiety and I usually don't even feel tempted to eat past the 'just right feeling'. I'm even to a point in my life where I can buy a three pound bag of peanut m&ms and not eat them until I'm sick. In fact, I haven't had any for a couple of days now....that reminds me that I'd like a few m&ms later today after my nap.... Really the weight gain is to accommodate the increase of body mass. That's great. Those leg lifts do weigh more than not exercising at all. And the baby is happy and growing right on target. Okay, no big deal, back to my life. I'm really super beautiful creating this kid.
Third: Low capacity for pleasure in everyday life: Yeah, that's a tuffie. Especially since it's winter and grey and gross and cold outside. Let's all veg inside. OR we could take the kids to the library, museums, sledding, and we could play card games. Once I get started I usually like the daily activities, it just takes ALOT of extra effort....and I hate that Tom usually doesn't make it home till the kids are in bed. Yeah, no, nothing can be done about that. Oh yeah, and it's really important that I have some sort of weekly schedule.
Fourth: Moodiness: Oh irritability I hate you. Sometimes I think it'd be better if I walked around with play dough in my ears and mint leaves up my nose. But then there's the problem of everyone wanting to talk to me, climb on my lap and hanging on my legs. There's the beast of being a mom and being pregnant. I just don't want anyone to touch me or ask me questions over and over and over...Haven't figured this out except a very lot of praying and staying close to the spirit. Any thoughts?
Okay, so that's one more day of positive thinking until my sunny disposition decides to naturally show up. I really miss that sunny guy, so much fun to have in my head. Luckily, I have a back up: Trooper. If one thing, Trooper really goes the distance.
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