We can do this. I'm so happy and even though it's only 30 degrees outside it's sunny and the birds are chirping. Go birds. I'm headed out to scrub my van. Can you guess who snuck some milk in there and then spilled it?!!! Some days...
Also, going out to find two more springs and lashings to reupholster my chair. I never thought I'd be the one doing it, but I need a distraction from my pregnant world. Which reminds me, down to 9 weeks till go time. YES! I have so much to write about the progress I'm making toward recovery, but I don't really feel like typing about that.
Oh yes, and my two year old broke our cannon. any suggestions for a small camera that takes great pictures and is easy to upload to computers?
Monday, February 25, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
HAPPY DAY VALENTINE
I really need to upload the pictures from Tom's phone, but in the mean time....
Today is a day that I think is a little over-rated, however, my children LOVE it and I LOVE them, so I'm going to make it special. Paul and I will share a lovely afternoon playing legos (let me tell you how much I love my kid for doing this) Julie will get to enjoy an hour of tumbling on the mat for gymnastics, for a two year old, this is huge; for a pregnant lady it's an even bigger event. Lydia will come home to a heart attack. She told me yesterday that she really wanted the house covered in hearts to celebrate Valentine's Day. And Tom. (sigh with a bubble of hearts around his name) Tom gets cheesecake. And me, I get to make Mary's Pesto-Chicken Pizza. Yep, a day full of love.
Today is a day that I think is a little over-rated, however, my children LOVE it and I LOVE them, so I'm going to make it special. Paul and I will share a lovely afternoon playing legos (let me tell you how much I love my kid for doing this) Julie will get to enjoy an hour of tumbling on the mat for gymnastics, for a two year old, this is huge; for a pregnant lady it's an even bigger event. Lydia will come home to a heart attack. She told me yesterday that she really wanted the house covered in hearts to celebrate Valentine's Day. And Tom. (sigh with a bubble of hearts around his name) Tom gets cheesecake. And me, I get to make Mary's Pesto-Chicken Pizza. Yep, a day full of love.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Back to Normal Wednesdays
Just wanted to state how weird it was to wake up feeling pretty normal today. It must be the hormones, I can't think of anything else.
How can a person go from "I can never eat again" to "I don't feel intimidated by food, life as normal."?
Well, there it is. Happy Wednesday, I'll have to be watching out for those Tuesdays.
How can a person go from "I can never eat again" to "I don't feel intimidated by food, life as normal."?
Well, there it is. Happy Wednesday, I'll have to be watching out for those Tuesdays.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Terrible Tuesdays
I can't figure this out, but every Tuesday for the last few weeks have been very hard. Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it is the weather, but every seven days I have a fall out. Today I'm petrified to go into my kitchen. Last Wed. I went to see my counselor. I said, "Yesterday I didn't want to eat because if I started eating I know I wouldn't be able to stop." Then she said, "Well, that's not what I'd like to hear. What I'd like to hear is 'Today I want to eat and I would like to stop.' "
Okay, well today I would like to eat and I would like to stop. The only way I'm doing that is to eat at a scheduled time and pre-plan what I'm going to eat. No, it doesn't liberate me, it's probably not what my counselor will want to hear, but it's the only thing I can do to keep functioning today. It's the only compromise between starvation and a binge. I want to be better so bad. I feel light-years away. I wish I were able to go and meditate and come back not caring about weight and how big I feel, but all I can do today is cry it out. Maybe that is a skill? Who knows. All l know is that I'm trying.
Paul even came in and asked why I was crying. We had to discuss how hard it is to make a baby and sometimes it just makes you cry. Paul said, "I'll bet you'll be happy when that baby gets all made". Oh yes, sweet Paul I will. Poor Tom had to give me a pep-talk over the phone.
Okay, well today I would like to eat and I would like to stop. The only way I'm doing that is to eat at a scheduled time and pre-plan what I'm going to eat. No, it doesn't liberate me, it's probably not what my counselor will want to hear, but it's the only thing I can do to keep functioning today. It's the only compromise between starvation and a binge. I want to be better so bad. I feel light-years away. I wish I were able to go and meditate and come back not caring about weight and how big I feel, but all I can do today is cry it out. Maybe that is a skill? Who knows. All l know is that I'm trying.
Paul even came in and asked why I was crying. We had to discuss how hard it is to make a baby and sometimes it just makes you cry. Paul said, "I'll bet you'll be happy when that baby gets all made". Oh yes, sweet Paul I will. Poor Tom had to give me a pep-talk over the phone.
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