Turkey, the flu, and an intro to Anorexia

As every holiday ensues I'm reminded what is right around the corner, FLU SEASON! Paul and Julie broke us in two weeks ago, and then the night after Thanksgiving Julie decided to go for it again. That was fun, but maybe not as fun as sleeping through the night. So, I'm home from church because poor boo had a fever till 3pm yesterday. I should be taking a shower, getting lunch on, or picking up the rest of the living room I started cleaning about 30 minutes ago. UGH.... OR I could blog about what is on my mind.

After writing two entries in my "private blog" of my eating disorder, I decided writing all of that was as much work as sifting through was is actually bothering me. And, for some reason, I seem to complain a lot, and moan and groan about people I love and some I don't. You would think you'd come to some resolve, but reading it again later, doesn't bring clarity for me, it hampers my recovery. So, I'm making it a point to tell a little bit about whatever it is I want to talk about on my blog at random times. It seems a bit odd. You'd think I'd just phone a friend or my sisters or that I'd just journal. But I kind of want to share somethings in my recovery. I want people to understand the normalcy of an eating disorder instead of it feeling more like a red-alert or a label. I guess I also want to just share my life too.  We all have struggles and we all have joy. I like to hear both sides of peoples' life if they want to so share. So, in between my beautiful life of being a mother and posting the most adorable pictures of my American Dream, you'll also get buffed on the mortality of me as a human being. If you don't want to know, don't read.

Okay, now I'm out of time, but here's something I've thought of for quite a while: Anorectic vs Anorexic. What is the difference? I didn't know and thought nothing of it until Gwen (my amazing eat.dis. therapist) brought it to my attention. Anorectic is a tendency toward, a way of thinking or analyzing. Anorexic is a person in the action of Anorexia; a person actually in the act of starving. Now I know you can cruise the internet and find that my definitions don't necessarily match other searches. But, how-now, this is what Gwen and I talked about, so I'm sticking to this and I don't really care if I'm technically wrong, it's truth to me. When I was around twelve I started showing signs of an Anorectic mind, by 14 I was Anorexic. Didn't last long, by 15 I was treated in an adolescent hospital (I've always wished our insurance would have covered Center for Change, but now I see my journey was lead my God's hand.) While I was in the hospital I committed to God to never starve myself or doing anything extreme to my body if He would always be there for me. From that day I stopped hiding food, using diuretics, starving, over exercising, counting calories that didn't exist, etc. All of the actions stopped, but it took many years to change my thinking patterns. It's easy to control the body, but the mind is a willful
and stubborn old man. Positive changes in my life happened, I experienced what it was like to laugh at a story being told even though there was food in the room. I still remember the day I felt satiety kick in. It was at my senior Lakette Banquette. I'll never forget it. It is a golden memory stands as a tender mercy from God for me to treasure. There were a lot of hardships. Gwen and I use this phrase, "pendulum swings". It took me five years to naturally say, 'stop, you feel great, don't eat that anymore'. One night on our way home from Cottages and Cranberries I ate almost an entire loaf of bread from Great Harvest. I could not stop eating. I wanted to, I felt so full I started to cry. I felt awful shame, but I could not regain any self-regulation. It is the same feeling as starving yourself really.

Inch by inch I've found little tools that have helped me gain an understanding of how to put the puzzle of normal eating back together. By the time I met Tom I must have been at my heaviest weight and I was so super frustrated about the swings of the pendulum going from what I considered normal to literally eating like a cow (you know they eat most the day, and chew their cud the rest). I found in Tom something I hadn't found before and I don't know what it is exactly except I was able to see myself as a little attractive and I just tried to follow his eating patterns. There it was- just a tiny bit of stability. Then I got pregnant..... to be continued.

Randomness of Summer and Fall

Happy Halloween, you can see julia was really excited about her lion outfit.

our newest love. Our family fitness center has a cool wall. Check Lyd out in a skirt!

 My birthday. I think something happened, or Tom said something really funny. Either way, I love being 29 and I love this picture!!!






We went to Steak n' Shake for my birthday. Loved it. You need to try the Monte Cristo sandwich...I think that's the name.

Look at those cute kids picking out pumpkins! yeah, Julie might have only wanted to go chase the squirrels.





One of our many "hikes" here in Indiana. This one was really cool bc we came to train tracks, found a pile of track goods....we felt like hobo pirates! The kids tried to haul their loot back. They only made it 10 yards. Those nails are heavy.

 

I will let you guess what part of the armed forces my children want to join.








Paul and Tom catching some Walleye at about 4am.






Forgot this Halloween pic. Ahhh, love my juber.

Look at these adorable faces. Paul is at the BYU/ND game, julie at the stake fair, and Tom reminding me of the joy of running.

After almost a year, I did it.

Right now I feel a little triumphant. After almost a year I've set up a blog for me to write about my recovery from postpartum. It's a little easier to say than Anorexia. I've not starved myself for 15 years, but I've realized I've not fully recovered either. That is a hard thing to admit. It's hard to go back to counseling and find true healing. I have to go now, but it feels good to finally do something that was so hard to do for so long.

We are Here

Sorry folks, I've been hiding from doing this. I think I feel guilty when I don't upload a picture, so then I just don't post anything....

Here's some updates:
Lydia and Paul are riding without training wheels (whahoo!)
Tom bought us all a canoe
Julia is as honery as a bear
We are moving in two or three weeks
I'm running the Sunburst half on June 2nd

I'm thinking of posting some about my recovery from post partum/anxiety...yeah I dunno, what do you think? Somehow blogs are always so smiley and gooey that it'd almost kill the mood. I'd start a separate blog but I'd never really keep track of it. It's one of those things that I think about, but can't make up my mind and then I get muddled and then my brain goes, blurp.

Christmas Story All Over Again

Alright, so March is here and December is WAYYY past, but I need to document that we actually do stuff. Here's prior to a great sledding day over Christmas Break. Look at Julie, she's such a puffalump! I'd upload more pics, but this took 2 minutes to load. REALLY? Is this blogspot, or is it my computer? Gee Wizz.

Here we are

I know, I really need to post a pic. Oh, and you would be so happy to see little Julia with her wild hair and crusty baby face! But, I'm lazy, so this is all.

Tom and I finally had a "first moment". For date night we finished the baby shower details, caught up on our show AND THEN (here comes the first moment)-- sat on the couch him on his iphone, me on the lap top. And we just surfed the net, quitely, looking in on the other, small chat...
It's after midnight and he just left. At first, when the clock chimmed 11 I thought we should be so dutiful and get our buns in bed, but sometimes it's nice just not to have to do anything, be anywhere, not doing ANYTHING! I'm sure I'll pay tomorrow, but tonight it was nice. It was. Here we were, just enjoying the night together after we enjoyed the earlier night together. And now, I'm going to bed to enjoy sleeping by his side (why is it two people need a double when they both sleep so close they could share a twin? But, hey I'm holding out for my king someday. It can get squishy when you find a child wiggled in)- it's just nice. Wow, 12:30 just hit me like a ton of bricks.
OHHHH, wait...I also had another first! I went on my FIRST Field trip with my eldest! Eh, it would have been less exciting had Paul not come. Lydia only cared about her friends and wanted me to see her from a distance, which is okay. BUT Paul had a formal invitation from the principal to come and he thought I was the cat's pajamas. Get this: The Magic School Bus Live. It was a play and it was great. And yeah, I cried riding the school bus home because there's the first and I love it and I love being a mom.

A happy heart

I've been focusing all my attention on the bringing up of my children. Of course my kids are the focus of my universe, I am their mom afterall, but I've realized I'll never get a second chance so in the last year I've tried really had to simplify my life (which is not easy and really hard to say "no" to things that are just clutter).

It's really hard not to yell. It seems IMPOSSIBLE to not get frustrated. And, for a General like myself, at times I'm beside myself with frustration. It's really hard to take the time to explain and talk through responding to feelings. We've come up with things that we do as soon as we feel angry. We've come up with ways that we can talk about are feelings. Shoot, we've even talked about what feelings are. Yes, there is a child in our house that doesn't really understand all of that yet and therefore can't communicate their emotions like they would like. I will just say that it is truly, truly very humbling. It takes all of my emotional and physical energy. Infact, I have to have time to be by myself to just cry a little because I'm simply exhausted. But you know what I've found these last two months? There's a different feel in my house. We are all a little more intimate, a little more courteous, a little more happy and a bit more flexible. Here's some quotes I keep near my heart as I try to mold our young breed.

"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape."- Buck (you should watch the documentary)




"Discipline and encouragement, not discipline and discouragement"- Buck



Elder Nelson  on Disciplining your children




“By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—



“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an

increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.”20



When a child needs correction, you might ask yourself, “What can I say or do that would persuade him or her to

choose a better way?” When giving necessary correction, do it quietly, privately, lovingly, and not publicly.

If a rebuke is required, show an increase of love promptly so that seeds of resentment may not remain.

To be persuasive, your love must be sincere and your teachings based on divine doctrine and correct principles.



Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel,

inspire them, and lead them toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children

He has entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach and persuade.
 
And this quote is more for me personally but it fits in parenting too. I love this quote. It is my favorite.

Pres. Hinckely- "We know not all that lies ahead of us. We live in a world of uncertainty. For some, there will be great accomplishment. For others, disappointment. For some, much of rejoicing and gladness, good health, and gracious living. For others, perhaps sickness and a measure of sorrow. We do not know. But one thing we do know. Like the Polar Star in the heavens, regardless of what the future holds, there stands the Redeemer of the world, the Son of God, certain and sure as the anchor of our immortal lives. He is the rock of our salvation, our strength, our comfort, the very focus of our faith."